Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
