There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
