I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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