You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
