i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
