I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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