If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
