RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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