Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
