Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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