don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
