i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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