my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Found the puke drawer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
