Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
