His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
