oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
