Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
