I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
