ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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