Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
