I'm sorry my penis didn't work
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
