Your mouth is God's brothel.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
