No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
