Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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