I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
