I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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