We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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