I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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