I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
