I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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