Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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