why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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