if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
