he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
