It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
