just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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