According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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