Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
