if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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