In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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