Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
