He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
