why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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