Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
