Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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