My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
