I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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