is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
