Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
