you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
