the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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