i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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